All I Can Say
by Lost But Found
Summary: Collective poems about how someone in the gang or related to the gang is feeling at a particular moment in time. WARNING: I am not a great poet, but please review anyway.
1. All I Can Say

Dallas has left yet another girl who though she had something special with him, and this is how I figured she would be feeling after.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

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All I Can Say  
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If only you could see  
How much loving you was hurting me  
My heart is all black and blue  
From all the abuse it's been through

Even though you're gone  
I can still feel the pain  
But I still want to hear your voice  
And I can't help but lower my head in shame  
Because no one realizes  
That my love for you wasn't just a game

I was tired of all your lies  
And all the awful things you used to say  
But I can't help but wonder  
What would be if you were still here with me

I don't know how I was so blind to see  
Just how much loving you was hurting me  
But I can't leave my love for you behind  
And I can't allow my heart to heal  
Because I would be so afraid to find  
That I had turned into someone who couldn't feel

I miss you  
And I miss your touch  
But loving you was just too much  
I'm still afraid of all the abuse  
My heart is weary, but my love remains profuse  
And sometimes I just don't see the use

I could never really leave you behind  
I could never truly walk away  
And I can't help but notice that my heart is beginning to fray  
But I can only hope, I can only pray  
That you'll come back to me, maybe one day

My mind tells me your gone  
And this is all your twisted game, and I'm still only the pawn  
But I can put up with all the pain  
And for all the tears, I'm really quite ashamed  
I should have tried harder  
I should have seen ahead farther

All the sorrow, all the pain  
I want it back, I need it again  
Because through all the lies  
And after all the fights  
I really loved you  
And there's nothing more I can say

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	2. It Was All Worth It

This idea came to me in the shower, and im pretty proud of it. It's about how Johnny is feeling before/during/after the events in the Outsiders. Sorry if it's a bit confusing, but it made sense at the time I wrote it, which was also 12 at night, so i'm not sure how it really is.

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It Was All Worth It  
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I'm tired and I'm scared  
Of how much I actually said  
When I finally shared

I'm worried I said too much  
But it seemed like I hadn't said enough  
I had so much on my mind  
And the memories I lost, I couldn't find

Memories of better days  
When I wasn't bruised, but praised  
Those times are gone, and in their place  
Stood horrible rage I had to face

I had to deal with the pain, I had to be brave  
And I was surprised I didn't cave  
I took it all still standing tall  
And I was amazed that I didn't have to crawl  
No one knew I was this strong  
But inside, I just wanted to belong

Every time I was pushed, and every time I was shoved  
I wondered if I would ever again be loved  
I wanted them to see  
That I needed them so much  
But instead, I saw they were repulsed by my touch

My saving grace, my only light  
Was one where I didn't have to fight  
They were better than a family  
Someone finally cared  
None of them had to struggle to understand my cares  
But I never really got over being scared

When I had finally reached my high  
I had to be taken down  
They all wanted to hurt me again  
And then they left me lying on the ground  
And I had never been able to find out why  
Everyone was so intent on making me cry

I wished now  
That I hadn't thought about it more  
That I hadn't tried to get up from the floor  
I should have stopped trying right then  
It was easy to see, no one wanted me again

But I did get up  
With the help of my friends  
And once again, I felt like I belonged with them  
They became what I needed  
I depended on them  
But I never forgot the way I was treated

I tried to be tough on the outside  
But I still wondered about what would have been  
If my parents had loved me  
I couldn't banish that thought from within

But it doesn't matter anymore  
It's finally all over  
It doesn't matter now, that I had been so poor  
They say I died a hero  
But it really doesn't matter  
All that did was that I had gotten up off that floor.

If I had given up then, if I hadn't even tried  
I never would have been able to hear those kids cry  
As long as they are loved, like I never was  
It was all worth it, all of it was.

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	3. All That's Left Of Memory

This one is centered around how Ponyboy is feeling/thinking after the death of Johnny and Dallas.

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All That's Left of Memory  
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Everything is different  
Nothing is the same  
My life has become imperfect  
And there's nothing left to take away the blame

I know deep down that it's all my fault  
If I had just reacted another way  
Maybe they would still be here, standing besides me today  
Looking back on all the memories  
I wish it could all go back to the way it was  
Everyone was happy then  
And no tale as tragic would have come out as I picked up the pen

It changed me, every bit of it did  
Never again will I be the same  
We never would have hid  
And there would be nothing for shame

I feel like I'm living in a horrible haze  
They're all convinced it's just a phase  
It's because we're all broken  
I know it is, even though it's never been spoken

I don't want to learn to be tough  
Even if it could get me through everything rough  
I can't learn not to feel  
I need for this all to not be real  
The glue that held up together is gone  
And all our emotions are up for pawn

I want to go back into that world  
The one where everything was alright  
Hope is still existing, they're still alive  
And there is no subject to cause a fight  
Although it would only be for a small time  
Anything is better than having to face the light

Everything happened too fast  
Too fast for any of us to catch it and last  
I need to go back and live in the past  
Not to change the fact  
But to feel normal and intact

I didn't know what was happening when it was  
I was just standing and feeling in the way  
Turned out that in the end that we all had to pay  
We had to grow up fast and forget how to play

I convinced myself that it was all my doing  
I didn't hear the screams from the grips of fate unfurling  
Turning out to be too blind to see  
What was happening right in front of me  
I didn't comprehend the full effect  
Of what the whole play would come to defect

Some days are harder than others  
Those are the days that are hard to take standing  
The ones where I truly miss my brothers  
The ones where I hear the sound of the angels landing

They were as contrasting as night and day  
But they both made each other stay  
Without one, there was no other  
Without a child, there was no mother

Now that they're gone  
I realize that they weren't here all that long  
And each day seems to drag  
Each and every movement seems to lag

Missing in action  
I will never again see their reaction  
Don't have to deal with the dissatisfaction  
Of knowing that they have nothing left to caption

They went on together  
At least they're not alone  
One tough as nails and hard as leather  
The other not even experienced enough to wear cologne  
The rest of us are left behind  
And there's nothing surprising left to find

Died a hero, died a hood  
Nothing left of where they stood  
All that's left of memory  
Is the sound of thunder  
And the persistent heartbeat of a dreamer

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	4. Learining To Defend

Sodapop has to deal with a lot, and he doesn't always show it. This is how I imagine what he actually thinks and feels, not what he shows.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

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Learning to Defend  
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Stuck in the middle once again  
Feeling like I'm locked in a cage, or stuck in a pen  
I know that they never will, nor will I allow them to see  
Just how much all of this is breaking me

I can't choose one of their sides  
I can't defend without having to lie  
But at the same time, I'm about to crack  
It's all just getting to be too much  
Still have to mediate and never lack  
But at the same time, I'm longing for someone's touch

They're all that I've got left  
All he's really trying to do is protect  
But the other gets to feeling like a suspect  
The never ending questions  
The loud-as-hell fights  
No one is allowed to make suggestions  
It's either his way, or there's no lights

I'm left to brightening the mood  
The faithful brother, stuck in the middle of the feud  
I couldn't stand to see them fight  
Then she walked right into my life

Suddenly, I could deal with it all  
There was hope, and I saw no need to stall  
I went head over heels  
And I'm pretty sure she did too  
We had it all, it almost seemed surreal  
We would be together forever, that was so plain everyone knew

The fights went on, but I had someone to help me endure  
Thought that never again would I feel insecure  
Too late for turning back around  
I was too happily lost to be found

I was in love  
And there was no stopping me now  
That much I made painfully clear  
It was so much more of a shock  
When something happened to bring back the tears

My brother was gone  
It seemed as though the fights had gone on too long  
Our family was broken again  
And there was no one left to defend

It made everything so much worse  
I felt like I had been gifted an eternal curse  
She left it all in writing  
Said there was nothing left to be worth fighting  
She had committed the ultimate sin  
Taken everything out from where it had been

I promised to her that it didn't matter  
She said she couldn't go through with it  
To her it was all useless  
And once again I was falling into the bottom of an endless pit

She was gone, and so was he  
I wanted to close my eyes and never again be able to see  
Then maybe I would forget that there was no one there to defend  
None of us knew if we would be whole again  
Two of us were gone  
And I didn't have enough left in me to be strong

But at least someone knew where they were  
And I begged to God he'd be able to defer  
My last plea to my brother  
I sounded cheerful enough  
But I tried to be strong, I tried to be tough  
I think in the end I sounded a bit like my dear old mother

I got my answer to the prayer  
I got him back and he was finally ready to share  
I got him back and I was again ready to be proud  
Everything was coming back to how it should be  
We were a family, and they were finally starting to see  
That everything was best when it was good and loud

But it never turns out how it's supposed to  
And it's scary because there was nothing I could do  
Two were still missing in the end  
All any of us could do was pretend

It just didn't seem fair  
That we were always the ones who had to not care  
I knew that we were people too  
But nothing ever changes in the end  
There was nothing anyone could possibly do  
We just have to go on, learning to defend.

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	5. Power To Resist

Two-Bit has the tendency to hide behind his humor, and we all know he had some bad thoughts associated with his father.

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Power to Resist  
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I've seen your steps they think I'll retrace  
But I would never bring them such pain that they'd be forced to reface  
You and I are very different beings  
And I've sworn to never conform to your preachings

I never understood how you did such horrible things  
You had us scream till you heard the caged birds sing  
I merely hide from what is around me  
You became so close I was surprised you could still see  
Although I am ashamed to say I owe you half my life  
There were so many times I wanted to retaliate with that knife

You were our misery, you were our pain  
You brought forth the feelings we wanted to contain  
Even though you left in the end  
I had gotten so sick of having to defend

You embraced the evils the bottles brough  
The difference between you and I is that I fought  
The liquor became all that mattered  
You didn't care that it was our lives you shattered

I will never be like you, that's a promise  
I could never stand to bring so much down upon us  
It didn't take long before you finally started to say  
"But you don't even matter, I'll be gone someday."

I'm thankful that you've finally left  
And that I don't have to worry about having to protect  
You were gone, and we were fine  
But none of us could forget what you did to us  
The memories would never go away with time  
None of us could even begin to get rid of our disgust

It was because of you, dear Father  
That I went off the end as far as I did  
There were some days I didn't understand why I even bothered

You were gone, and we were starting to heal  
We were beginning to remember what it was like to feel  
Our world was stitching itself back up  
Thread by thread, our days were starting to look up  
But the memories of you were still so raw  
All the fears were still so fresh  
The times I should have enjoyed I had to find a flaw  
Those horrible urges I couldn't repress

I blame it on youAll the things that I couldn't do  
The times when there was nothing I could do  
But turn to the drink and think of you  
But I'll never turn out to be like you  
And that's a promise I intend to keep  
I won't have those dreams haunt me in my sleep

The thoughts that I have I hide from everyone else  
I'm so afraid they'll get out and I'll be judged by someone else  
I don't need them to look at me as I join the fight  
Because I'll never allow them to see me in that light

And for one simple reason, Father  
Do these self-satisfying rules exist  
It's because I saw the person you became  
And I'm determined that I'll have the power to resist

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